I climb out of the cab carefully because my skirt is short and I don’t want to confuse the driver.
        I see R’s shadow behind the window. He opens the door before I knock. I hold on to his bare upper body while he kisses me. He is wearing nothing but crotch less leather chaps and a navy captain hat.
        Soft piano music is playing in the living room. Candles flicker in the fireplace and on the windowsills.
        He takes off my skirt and top and places me on a chair in a corner.
        ‘Spread your legs.’
        He moves the gusset of my panties to the side and leaves the room.
        I sit with my legs apart and look at the ropes tied around the coffee table. On a chair lies a selection of cuffs, belts, floggers – the sort of stuff that guarantees a successful dinner party.
        I hear muffled voices behind the door. R leads in a white, hairless man. He is naked, except for a black rubber hood, which only leaves his obscenely red lips exposed. His penis sticks out like a handle someone has attached because it might be fun to look at or entertaining to play with.
        R makes Rubberhead kneel down in front of me and shoves his head between my legs.
        ‘Smell her,’ R says. ‘Don’t dare touch her.’
        He slides his finger inside me.
        ‘This is a very special cunt.’
        I look up. I see a soft light in his blue eyes. He hides it quickly.
        ‘Don’t dare touch this cunt,’ he repeats, then walks over to the sofa at the other end of the room and sits down. He pours himself a drink and lights a cigarette. His big frame relaxes against the cushions. Patiently he contemplates me and the man between my legs.
        I hold his gaze; I am just as cool as he – until I feel Rubberhead’s hot breath getting closer. I don’t want to be touched by him and wriggle.
        ‘Don’t move,’ R says.
        My muscles tense. I wish R would remind Rubberhead of his orders.
        But he doesn’t.
        The doorbell rings and R gets up to open the door. Another voice whispers in the hallway. R brings in a blonde woman. Her belly and breasts stretch her latex corsage to the limit. She looks around, as if she didn’t expect the room to be so crowded.
        R skips introductions and lies her down on the coffee table. He uses the ropes to tie her arms and legs to the table and secures a metal spreader between her ankles.
        The holes on her exposed bottom form a perfect straight slit from back to front.
        Rubberhead is so close I have to shove my butt back to the farthest end of the seat to escape his touch.
        With one swift movement R finally pulls him back. I exhale and sit up straight.
        R strokes my hair and lifts my chin. I look into his eyes again. They are dark now.
        He grabs a flogger,
        ‘Did he touch you?’
        I open my mouth but he puts his index finger on my lips.
        ‘Yes or no.’
        I shake my head.
        R gives me a quick, hard kiss, drops the flogger and makes Rubberhead crawl to the spread out woman on the coffee table.
        ‘You may kiss this cunt.’
        Rubberhead gobbles up the blonde.
        Then R pushes Rubberhead to the side and gets down on the woman himself.
        Then he grabs Rubberhead and pushes him on top of the woman.
        Then he puts his own cock into her mouth and sucks Rubberhead.
        Then he fucks her.
        Then I don’t remember.
        They stand, kneel, bend over. They push, shove and lick. Genitals, breasts and tongues glide into each other like pistons in a well-oiled motor, a fucking machine with all parts in perfect sync.
        Finally the woman moans and moves in slow spasms, rocking the table.
        Rubberhead breathes in sharply and splashes his milky liquid onto her belly.
        R opens the door, kicks him out without much ado and unties the woman.
        ‘Need the loo,’ she says.
        While she is gone he walks up to me and pushes his wet fingers into my mouth. I turn away. He grabs my hair and forces me to smell the woman’s sex.
        He kneels down and sticks his tongue inside me. His head moves up and down.
        I want to push him away. I want to hold him close. I dare neither.
        Shyly my fingers brush three tiny drops of sweat from his shoulder. I touch his soft earlobes and the fine hair, which hides in a moist fold of skin in the nape of his neck. I kiss the top of his head.
        He looks up. The surprise in his eyes makes me blush.
        The woman returns. He gets up and embraces her.
        The room turns into the coldest place I have ever been to.
        I put on my clothes and the three of us sit down. He pours us drinks and we all become small talk how do you do-ish.
        I rather bite off my tongue than say anything that suggests that for a second I longed to be more than part of his fucking machine.
         My right foot betrays me. It sneaks between R’s and the woman’s legs, tries to fence him in.
         He notices.
         ‘I called you a cab,’ he says.
         I gather my things.
         We shake hands.
         I get into the cab and leave without looking back.